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That Loving “Feeling”?

When you first met there were stars in your eyes. Everything she did was cute and special. You even thought that occasional case of halitosis was as fresh smelling as a bouquet of roses. Both of you were “feeling” love in the air, everywhere you’d go and you just couldn’t stand to be apart. But now here you are 8 years later with a whining 4 year-old, a spoiled 6 year-old, and 2 weeks more to go this month but only one week more to go with your money… Don’t know that either one of you is quite “feeling” the other one right about now. So, what about that love thang? This is when you are faced with the reality that all of us must face: love is a choice not a feeling. Whether you’ve been married 8 days, 8 years or 38 years your love will not survive just on feelings. As the author of this note I have to say that maybe not in your house but certainly in ours there have been more days than we’d like to admit when we may not have been “feeling” each other but we still chose to love each other.

Every couple goes through a dry season… Every couple experiences when one of you feels out of sorts… Every couple experiences a season of anger or hurt feelings… and yes, every couple has those moments when you say “I love you, but today I just don’t like you.” That’s the time when it’s very clear that love is a choice and not a feeling. So here are just five examples of choosing to love even when we don’t “feel” in love.

  1. Take your spouse on a date that involves doing something that they like to do regardless of whether it’s something you like to do.

  2. Enjoying intimacy even though you don’t have the energy or desire.

  3. Support his or her parenting choice even thought it differs from yours.

  4. Going to the alter to pray for him or her right after you argued on the way to church.

  5. Offering up the last bite of that delicious limited-time only dessert when you’ve been thinking about it all day long.

Love is a choice and the ultimate choice was made when Jesus decided to die for us when he knew the dark path that we would take. He loved us then, even though He probably wasn’t really “feelin’” us. How about you? Can you love your spouse, even when you’re not “feelin’” him or her?



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