The Same Thing It Took!

I love oldies! (Dusties for my Chicago peeps!)  Maybe that’s because I am a Dustie myself…  Oldies, Dusties, or whatever you call them were often all about the lyrics and the message.  One lyrical message that has stayed with me was recorded in 1975 by Curtis Mayfield and the Impressions “The Same Thing It Took”  The song says “The Same Thing It Took To Get Your Baby Hooked… It’s Gonna Take The Same Thing To Keep Her!”  You ain’t never lied! 

From our work with married couples my wife and I hear the same old story repeated all too often.  “He changed after we got married;” “She doesn’t do the same things she did when we were dating.”  If that sounds familiar just say “ouch.”  The reality is that life’s circumstances causes change in all of us, but the image of the one with whom we fell in love always remains in our hearts.  One of the real challenges in a marriage is evolving together while holding onto elements that made us fall in love.  That’s a tall task for some couples but there are a few things to make it easier.

1.  Talk about it!  Have you ever talked about the things that attracted you to each other?  Now might be the perfect time to do it.  Ask each other “What did I do that made you fall in love?” or “What did we do when we were dating that you really miss now?”  You might be surprised at the response.  You might also be surprised that you miss some of the same things.

2.  Go back to a favorite dating spot or possibly that first date location.  Whether it’s a coffee shop, the zoo, a fancy restaurant, maybe even Wendy’s; How about a yearly rendezvous at one of the places where you first fell in love?     

3.  Reflect together.  Depending on how long you’ve been married, reflecting on what God has brought you through over the years helps the two of you to appreciate each other and your joint journey.  Considering your journey together helps you to appreciate what God has done in your lives together and embrace what you loved from the beginning and how you have evolved together. 

4.  Date your mate.  Do you actually have date nights?  If you don’t start as quickly as humanly possible.  If you do but not that frequently make it a priority and put it on the calendar.  You should have a date night at least once per month.  Even with kids and all of the other demands going on dates isn’t just important… its critical and should be mandatory.  Even if your date is to go to Costco together (I know at least one couple who does this) find something that you can do together and something that you can pleasantly anticipate.

During your courtship (is that an old man phrase 😊) okay, while you were dating or “hooking up”, you created a standard and a set of expectations.  Now is the perfect time to reflect, regroup, and adjust together on those expectations.  It’s also the perfect time to remember that “The same thing it took to get your baby [or client] hooked… It’s gonna take the same thing to keep her!”