Keeping It Fresh - 5 Keys To Vitality In Your Marriage
Just weeks ago we attended the 20th Anniversary Heart of Marriage Retreat. The lead facilitators Rev. Dr. Damon Williams and Rev. Dr. Khalia Williams have been the facilitators for 4 of the past 5 years. They are world class facilitators and this year was their most impactful year as they took a totally fresh and different approach. They were even more innovative than they've been in the past and they engaged us with new content and a fresh approach to the learning experience. Not only were they fresh and different but their refreshed approach breath vitality into the entire retreat experience. It got me to thinking about how fresh ideas and experiences can breath vitality into a marriage. No matter how long you've been married, there's always more to explore. Let's look at 5 ways to keep your marriage fresh and full of vitality.
Make Freshness A Priority
There's a phrase that goes something like "whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." In other words, we have the capacity to be what we set our minds to be. Often couples don't think about being intentional about keeping their marriage fresh. But actually, if you want to keep your marriage from turning stale, it begins by making it a priority to keep thing fresh. So yes, being intentional about keeping your marriage fresh, making it a top priority, is the first step in being successful. Talk to your spouse about ways in which you can be proactive to keep things fresh and hold each other accountable.
Time To Reset Your Password
Don't you hate it when online programs or platforms that you use routinely make you update or reset your password every 30 - 90 days. Now this is going to sound completely out of the box, but what if you used that password reset ritual as a reminder to reset one of your marriage routines? Pick just one of those instances - your work sign-on, your banking app, your email platform, etc - that tells you to reset your log-in password a few times a year as an opportunity to change some simple routine with your spouse. What about changing the chair where each of you sit at the dinner table? What if you changed the side of the bed you sleep on? How about the nickname you call your spouse? Yeah, I know you probably think I've lost my mind, but what kind of conversations and simple awareness might that stimulate in your marriage?
Plan A Different Date
Every couple is different when it comes to dating. Some couples share in date planning and with many couples it's either the husband or the wife who does the majority of date planning. Why not switch thing up a bit. If you're one of those couples were one of the spouses does the majority of the planning, give that assignment to the spouse who does not normally plan. If you're that spouse who normally doesn't plan, here's your chance to spread your wings and do something that your spouse may have never thought about doing. The idea is not to simply try and duplicate what they always do, this is your chance to think more independently about creating some fun.
Just Do It
Pure spontaneity is one of the best ways to keep things fresh. "Hey sweetheart, since things are light at work for both of us, what if we dropped the kids off at school in the morning and we both played hooky?" Imagine sending that text to your wife on the way home? Now, I'm not promoting faking a sick day at work... but... Just doing it, in other words being spontaneous in our marriage can take on many forms. It could be as simple as "don't worry about cooking tonight, I'll stop and pick something up for dinner." Or it could be a slightly bigger surprise, "hey, for your birthday next week pack a bag with clothes for the beach and I'll let you know what we're doing when we get to the airport." For others it may simply mean that nudge in the back in the middle of the night (IYKYK). Spontaneity or Just Doing It is one of the key components of keeping your marriage fresh.
Put It On The Calendar
For some couples doing things differently, spontaneity, changing things around and lots of other ways to keep things fresh comes down to writing it down and making a plan. And for many busy couples today, there's no more impactful way to make something a priority than placing it on the calendar. Many of us are so goal oriented and so busy that we operate with the philosophy that if it's not on my calendar it's not going to happen. So if that's you and/or your spouse do just that... place it on the calendar. In fact, in our busy, high tech, AI dominated culture, there are actually apps that couples can use to coordinate times and activities. Not into all of that high tech stuff? How about sitting down sitting down to intentionally place on your calendars a new and different experience once a quarter or even once a month? And here's the secret about the extra bonus from proactively placing new activities on the calendar. The weeks and even months leading up to the activity will be filled with anticipation which actually may be as exciting as the activity.
A Fresh Marriage Does Not Mean a Perfect Marriage
This is not an exhaustive list. It is simply a starting point for couples who want to keep growing and stay connected. There are many ways to bring life into a marriage.
At the same time, this is not a rejection of routine. Familiar patterns can provide comfort and stability, and that matters too. The goal is not to replace what is steady and strong. The goal is to keep breathing life into your relationship while still enjoying the comfort of what you have built together.
Marriage grows best when couples stay open, stay intentional, and stay willing to try something new. Freshness does not have to be dramatic. Sometimes it starts with one small change, one new idea, or one simple moment of surprise.
