“’Tis the season to be jolly… But how can I be when I have nobody”. That’ the opening line to the R&B Christmas classic “What do the lonely Do At Christmas.” Its such a romantic smooth sounding song that The Emotions sing so well. But “what do the lonely do at Christmas? “ Especially if you’re married and feeling lonely! The reality is that the holiday season brings with it many emotions and a whole set of expectations. If you’re dealing with unmet expectations then it’s likely that you’re feeling somewhat lonely or isolated even when your spouse is in the same room. It’s a difficult place to be to feel lonely inside of a marriage. However, there are some things that you can do about it!
- Pray – Only God can satisfy all of our needs and expectations. To look for them all to be satisfied by our spouse is simply wasted energy. God will supply everything that we need. If you’re feeling lonely, maybe you need to rethink your connection and increase your prayer life.
- You make the 1st move and work towards achieving oneness with your spouse. As part of that prayer, ask God to reveal to you the best way to approach your spouse about doing things together. By the way, before you complain to your spouse that they’re isolating you, suggest some things that you can do together. Preferably something that your spouse already enjoys.
- Talk to your spouse. In many cases your spouse may not even know what you’re feeling. Communication is at the root of many if not most relationship challenges. Work hard to initiate the communication. If it doesn’t work the first time keep at it. Anything worth having is worth the effort.
- Remember that you have a life too. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to forfeit who you were. In fact both you and your spouse have things that you enjoy doing independent of each other that do not violate the sanctity of marriage. ITS OKAY! Enjoy your spouse… but enjoy who you are without your spouse as well.
- God is enough. All marriages go through different seasons. It can be the case that there are some seasons that feel just a bit dry. That’s okay. If you feel like your spouse has been isolating you out of the relationship is it possible that you’ve been isolating God out of your own relationship? If you’re feeling a bit lonely right now. Ask God to fill up that void and then watch the impact your relationship with God has on your relationship with your spouse.
What do the lonely do at Christmas? Pray, Work, Talk, Live, and Look To God! That’s a pretty sound recipe.