Good Memories Can Change Marriages

What happens to our marriage relationships after 5, 10, 15, 20 years of being together? Why do couples find themselves one day not knowing who they’re sleeping with, who has the key to walk in and out of the house they live in, drive the car they drive, and eat the food they buy? Would that be a relationship that you could be happy in?

Take a moment and remember when you first met your partner and the feeling that you had? What about the pitter-patter of your heart, that glow of excitement, optimism and confidence in a relationship that you were sure would last a lifetime? 

Now, your marriage relationship has become toxic, disconnected and unsatisfying. You might wonder is it possible or even worth trying to make it better? The answer is yes.

Most couples that fall into this kind of marriage slump can’t find the energy to start having exciting dates or romantic nights together because they simply “don’t feel it anymore”. The love or like at first sight obviously is not there, this person has been in your sight for some time now, and that has not always been pleasant.  Those limited words of what you feel and how you feel can stop you dead in our tracks of moving forward from years of disconnect and dysfunctional communication in your marriage relationship.

You might ask what is “dysfunctional communication”?  Well, you will not find it in the Webster Dictionary; however, those two words are in there separately. (I suggest you look them up) DC is what I have personally found to be a deficit with the couples I have served over the years. They assumed that they could speak to their partner the way they speak to everyone else including those they don’t like.  That’s not true. If you really think about it and how you have communicated to your partner over the years, you will clearly see what I am talking about. Words do matter in your relationship and how those words are spoken and translated to each other can encourage or sour the relationship. If you were to think about this and be honest, it should prompt some regret for the words said and may warrant an apology.

Trying new things can be difficult at first. However, trying new things is what it takes to get the ball rolling towards better communication in your relationship. This also will require some creativity and not just “a euphoric feeling”.

Do this simple exercise. Take a stroll down memory lane. Try to remember the time you both met and what it felt like to your hearts and spirit. Let me remind you again that this is not a feeling exercise it is an intentional grown up exercise. This means that you are not going on feelings, you are going on the good that you remember about the relationship and marriage. If you let your guard down and become a bit vulnerable, those memories should bring about a smile and some laughter to you both, bringing those fun and funny times up to the surface of your mind.  

Whatever stage of your marriage relationship, you have the God given ability to make it better. There is nothing more beneficial than having someone in your life that has been in your life. Someone who has seen your good and bad days, put up with your bad habits, dysfunctional communication, lack of conversation and romance or intimacy.

It just comes down to a matter of commitment to the marriage as well as putting a system in place that works for the two of you.  If there is something not working then you fix it, the same way you do when there is something that needs to be fixed in your home or with your car

With prayer and faith in God, begin a daily exercise of affirming each other with kind words like please and thank you. Take a walk in the park without your cell phones. Begin to see each other out of a different set of lens. If you change what you think about your partner, what you see in your partner will change.

Enjoy getting to know each other again. A new friendship awaits you both.


Myra McKnight
BetterOne BetterTwo Relationship Academy